I had a strange dream last night:

I was walking through the fringes of a city close to the shore approaching a glass building. It was a beautiful day and everybody was for the most part going about their business happily. I entered this glass building and heard an alarm going off in one of the rooms. Curious, i went over to investigate to see if anybody was inside. I knocked and nobody answered so i opened the door myself and walked in. At first i didn’t see anybody inside as i walked through the room. I heard a faint voice speaking and he seemed to be having a conversation. I went to the back of the room and through another door and there was a tall man sitting with his back to the door talking on the phone. He sounded nervous and was whispering loudly into the phone, “We cannot tell anybody! It’s supposed to be kept secret! It doesn’t matter how many lives are lost!” 

That last line kicked up my inquisitiveness and it made me angry. I rapidly walked up to him, spun him around and got in his face and screamed, “These are PEOPLE you are talking about you f***!” He ran to the side of the room and got on his stomach, putting his face up against the glass and yelled that it was too late. The alarm stopped and all noise seemed to disappear as well so i ran to the glass and pushed myself between the window and some long golden plank of sorts that must have been 10 or 11 feet long. Apparently, when shit is about to hit the fan, stay by the glass-its…..safe?

Anyway, i looked out the window and the sky on the horizon darkened and immediately afterward i heard a high pitched whining sound. The glass shattered and fire engulfed the city in an explosion that seemed to level everything in it. I was blown back into the wall and crashed through it, hitting another wall and everything went black.

As i “came to” i heard that man again and he was talking normally on the phone. When i was able to open my eyes, he walked up to me and told me that the N. Koreans and Chinese had dropped a nuclear bomb on the city. The Federal government had made a deal with those 2 countries and sold it to them and were now blaming the two countries for a “terrorist attack” and declaring war on China and N. Korea. My blood boiled but i could not yet stand up, as it felt like my bones had shattered from being thrown through that wall. He knelt down and stared at me, he had such a sad look in his eyes and he said, “I know.” He touched my forehead and i was able to stand but felt extremely sick.

He told me i had to go home but i refused as i stumbled toward the window. All of the city before me was a broken shell. Everything was red and orange and emanating smoke. Bands of people were running all over the place, others were throwing up, and more were sobbing. I stepped out of the window and appeared on the ground. He yelled that all of the city’s inhabitants would get radiation sickness, myself included, but i gave him the finger and told him to go to hell.

I hit myself in the stomach and was able to run down one of the avenues-i had no idea where i was going, though. A strong, young looking man and a woman in a nun’s habit stepped out from the middle of nowhere and a doorway appeared next to them. They told me that i had to come with them. I entered the door and found myself in some bunker-looking place, but it was actually quite nice inside. They led me to a room where a few others were resting and i was able to clear my head to think about all that had just happened. I heard some ruckus outside in the hallway and went out to see what the problem was. There was another man there, clothes shredded, bruised, bleeding who was screaming about what had just happened. I felt a swell of anger in my chest and yelled for him to calm down. I explained to him what had happened, what that man in the glass office told me about the N. Koreans, Chinese, and how our government sold them the bomb with the intent to have it dropped on us. He turned ghost white and could do nothing but stare at me. I made a fist and hit the concrete wall, putting holes in them but could not scream as loud as my temper wished me to. Woke up.

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I had a strange dream last night:

I was sitting on the steps of a Roman forum. It was full of senators, half of which had a red stripe on their white toga, the other half had a blue stripe. There was a lot of yelling going on, lots of noise and i could not hear what any one person was saying. A man stood up from the middle, his toga had a black stripe on it, towering above the rest of the forum and boomed at me, stating “they are setting me up and this is how it must go. They don’t know what they are doing”. 

A rift formed on the middle of the steps and the senators divided into 2 groups, still screaming at each other. I wished they would all just shut the fuck up-the noise was far too distracting to get anything productive accomplished. The half of the room with the red-stripe senators broke into 3 smaller groups, and the one closest to me called me over. They were talking about an assassination (i guessed at this point it was concerning a Caesar-type of person). The blue-striped side separated into 4 groups and were discussing a similar thing. They both seemed to be whispering about murdering the same person. I was never told who this person was, and anytime i asked they all just smiled at me.

The forum grew darker; it was like there was a pale moon light shining down into the forum-you could hardly see the people themselves, just the toga’s and hear their whispering. A flash of light filled the room and everyone took their seat and stopped speaking. The rift that had formed in the middle of the forum stairs was now blacker than night itself-it had turned to a void and nobody could cross it. I approached it and that figure that had earlier towered over the forum was now visible again, coming from the void. He was now wearing a laurel wreath around his head and moving his lips but i could not hear him speaking. Woke up.

I had a strange dream last night:

I was in what appeared to be a bedroom of sorts and the tv was on. There was a kid in there wearing a black shirt and in this middle of his shirt there was a small white box with another person in it shooting a pistol but he couldn’t control it and was flailing his arms everywhere. I found this hilarious and so did my best friend Brandon and we both began laughing hysterically. The kid with the shirt looked at us and was not sure why we were laughing so much. I also noticed Justine was there. When she looked over at me the walls disappeared and all of us were outside and it was night time. 

We were all walking along a fence , on our side there was a lot of trees and shrubs, some of which were bare. The other side of the fence was just grass and some concrete. I was talking with them and Justine’s sister Megan came up behind me. I was mid-sentence and started laughing again about that kid’s shirt which made Brandon start to crack up as well. After i had composed myself, Megan, Justine, and Brandon asked why i was here with them. I became sad and told them that i always feel so conflicted about why i am here and that i want to move back to New jersey to be able to see them all again. They smiled.

Everything went black for a few minutes and when i could see again i was in an apartment i did not recognize. 3 people were there, including my brother and we were all in some type of video game, We were fighting an evil man that reminded me of the Emperor guy from Star Wars. When i realized how to harm him, i tried switching my character but the Emperor threw a temper and so i quit.

I left that apartment and went to my own. As i opened the door, the girl who played the Emperor character appeared next to me and seemed apologetic for throwing such a fit. I invited her in and went to my bathroom to arrange some shampoo bottles and she watched me do it for some reason. Must have been like watching some intense Jenga competition.

Anyway, i left the bathroom and went to the bedroom where a female roommate of mine tackled me to the floor. Laying on top of me, i grabbed her close and we stayed like that for a moment. I let her go and the other girl came in and i was speaking to the two of them but at this point was buzzed. My speech was a bit slurred and i was explaining to them why i no longer tell people about what i believe and what had happened to me a few years ago to cause me to refuse to tell people. Woke up.

Elemental example.

April 25, 2009

I found this as i was going through some of my journals that i was writing in when i lived in NYC. I forgot how much i hated my living situation there, the depression i was struggling with, and how it influenced my dreams. I have long since overcome the depression but sometimes it is interesting to go back and read these things. It’s kinda like time travel: 

“Walking a wild path in the grey mountains; it is overcast and spitting rain, fog is everywhere. I hear rumors of something called the sun. Memories of it haunt my mind but i have been down here so long that it no longer seems real. It is eerily quiet other than a dreary wind splitting through the grey haze that enshrouds all things down here. The mountains have lost their majestic pose and now only seem to groan under their own weight. Having lost their rich earth tone, they pale into a tired silver that lacks vibrancy. It’s cold. I look out to my right and see a bottomless pit of the unknown and despair-held in place by blankets of mist that bob lazily within their boundaries-shrugging off my gaze. I look up into the sky, the sky whose light is muted by clouds of melancholy. The path before me slowly ascends but from a distance appears to stay level….never rising to a place greater than this.”

*poetry club finger snaps*

I had a strange dream last night:

I was standing across from a granite-type building, the size of which escaped my comprehension. It was essentially 2 rectangles, the rear one reached so far into the sky that i could not see it’s roof. The front one was no more than 2 stories tall and was graced with 2 giant oak arched doors. Nothing else was in sight. 

My eyes were drawn to the doors, as i felt something moving from within the building. The force of that movement within the building intensified, carrying my intrigue along with it. Moments after that, the doors were thrown open and the sound of wails poured down the steps but they were not wails of sorrow. It was unlike anything i had ever heard and sounded incredibly sublime. Overpowering.

This sound reached the bottom of the stairs that lead up to the doors and seemed to hover there, continuing it’s song, at which point my heart burst into flames, throwing fire toward the steps. I felt no pain but i could feel the force of the fire as it traveled up my chest and into my head, causing my eyes to catch fire as well. Again, no pain, just a very acute sensation. As this transpired, the wailing slightly changed tone which caused my eyes to water. As tears formed in the midst of the fire coming from my eyes i heard the sizzling and popping noises.

I walked into this building and went to the middle of the smaller area in the front. I opened my mouth and the purest water came from it, forming a pool at my feet. I looked into the water and, speechless, watched a form take shape in the water that was me, but not me at the same time. I cannot find the words to describe what i/not i looked like but it looked back at me and with its mouth, formed the word “true”. Upon realizing that word, my body seized slightly and i went into a state of shock which was rapidly followed by some kind of ecstatic feeling that permeated every cell in my body. My mouth was forced open and i wailed just like the one that came from the doors and out onto the steps. I had no breath with which to use as i wailed, it just came from my “core”.

The doors slammed shut and i was struck by a giant bolt of lightning, causing brilliant wings to rapidly sprout from my back. This hurt a great deal, as they literally grew right out of me, causing me to scream in pain. I collapsed onto the floor and these wings wrapped around my body, covering me completely and lifted the water from the pool in front of me; the water took the form of me and was singing with such a clear and beautiful voice in a language i did not recognize. I woke up.

P.s. I cannot sing for shit in real life.

I had a strange dream last night:

I was on the border that separates Mexico and the United States. The sun was highest in the sky but i felt no heat. I’m not sure how i got there or what i was doing but i was hanging out with my friend Dana. We saw 4 people approaching on the horizon from the south, traveling at an incredible speed on foot. They arrived within seconds and when they approached us, they were quite dirty, disheveled and looked frightened. I felt very sorry for them and asked their names but they could only speak Spanish. They were pointing ahead of us and talking fast and appeared very nervous. 

Within minutes 2 black choppers flew in from the northern sky. They both half-circled around us and one, while trying to land, exploded into flames causing the second helicopter to take off and circle again. It landed and as they approached the 4 Spaniards, 2 disappeared and the other 2, a man and a woman, were arrested. I was informed that they were immigrants trying to sneak across the border. Now i felt conflicted. Given their state, i still felt sorry for them but i also felt a little resentment toward them. The rock they were sitting on turned into a black truck and they were put in the back and taken south again.

Dana and i just stared at each other and didn’t say much. We thought what just happened was a bit out of the ordinary. Cause hanging out on the border is so ordinary, right? Anyway, a giant butte rose up at my feet and i shouted with glee because i watched it grow from a thought form into a full and beautiful butte of the southwest. I definitely did not have that reaction but a butte did grow up right in front of me. Dana moved to the right side of it and i to it’s left. I watched a lion and 2 lionesses approach on Dana’s side. If i hadn’t been scared shitless i would have laughed at the absurdity of such creatures roaming America. “This is not Africa” i thought to myself. I later confirmed that America was definitely not in Africa.

One lioness faded away and another took her place right in front of the butte Dana and i were standing behind. The lion stood maybe 50 feet away from us. She and i gathered at the middle of the butte and discussed how we were supposed to get past this butte with that lioness there. The only option was to just try and walk past it. Now, i like to live my life on the edge but that seemed too boring for me. I did not like that idea because it’s likely she or i would be mauled and turned into a human Raggedy Anne doll within minutes. She told me that she would go first, which, for some reason, i was ok with. It was an altruistic decision on her part.

When it was settled, i noticed that the ground had sprouted some grass. I told Dana about it and she looked and we both watched in puzzlement as grass sprouted up everywhere behind this butte and at a very fast rate. She went around the right side and began her walk into the desert, heading north, past the lioness. I heard the wailing of a post-fetal youngling 25 feet from where i was and ran over to it. There in the grass, was a baby wrapped in white cloth. Totally normal, happens all the time, right? I picked the baby up and he seemed ok, i tickled his nose with my finger and named him, “Optimus Babyness”.

Looking up from the baby i noticed the lion pacing back and forth by the butte where Dana and i had been. Dana had gained some distance ahead of me and whispered for me to hurry up. I took one step forward and the lion was at my side. I was scared but wondered if this lion was going to protect me as my loyal companion for the rest of Dana and mine’s journey back to civilization. Nope. So wrong. I took another step forward and the lion slapped my side with his claw and then stood on his hind legs and bit down on my forearm-the same forearm holding Optimus Babyness (say that in a deep ominous voice-its awesome). I screamed for the lion to unhand me but he bit down harder. This time when i screamed, it sounded half like a lion’s roar. He shook my forearm in his mouth and this time i turned around to put my face in his and roared louder and just like an angry lion. I tried tearing my arm from it’s mouth and the baby vanished, all that was left was the white cloth, which i used to wrap around my forearm.

The lion was gone now, as was the butte and the lioness. I don’t know where Dana scampered off to but she was gone as well. I looked up and there were the red rocks of Sedona around me but nothing else. No houses or civilization. I woke up.

I had a strange dream last night:

I was was walking back to New Jersey from Sedona, Arizona though i am not sure what neighborhood i was now in. It was a beautiful day, lots of grass and big old trees throughout this neighborhood. Kids were out and about playing, and i was approaching what seemed to be 2 college kids throwing a football around. The kid closest to me caught it and threw it back but the second time he missed it and it landed by me. I decided to give the guy across the lawn some exercise so punted the football and it went way over his head and past him. There was a distance indicator by the football and i was able to tell how far it was from me and how high. It disappeared behind some tall but neatly trimmed shrubs with a thud from landing on something and that kid told me i had to go get it. Fair enough. However, he went to go look for it anyway. 

I went behind the shrubs and i could not believe my eyes. The ball had not yet landed apparently and the kid who went to get it had his arms up slightly and palms stretched out and the football was slowly floating toward him. My jaw about hit the floor. He turned around and saw me and tried to play the whole thing off but i walked up to him and grabbed his arm and told him i could do similar things. He looked very unsure of me as i told him that i could dream about the future and so i told him i could do the same thing that he just did but had trouble doing it at will sometimes. He laughed skeptically but i told him i would prove it to him.

We walked back out onto the lawn and his friend ran up to us. His friend knew what he could do and it didn’t seem to bother him. The kid with the football in his hands told me he could help me, that i just needed practice. We both looked to the south and saw a cluster of lights flying by just above the trees. As he looked at them, they stopped, reversed direction and then continued onward. He told me to do it, to just concentrate very hard so i tried. The lights stopped, reversed direction, exploded into smaller clusters and then sped off. I was ecstatic! Not only did i do it but i remembered exactly HOW, so that in the future i would not have much difficulty doing it again. We high-fived each other and he asked if i wanted to stay a bit and throw the football around with him and his buddy. I told him i could stay for a bit.

He gave the ball to his friend and his friend threw it to me. I threw it back deep but he didn’t catch it. As he went to fetch it, the other kid who could do these amazing things ran up to me, lifted his arms with his palms pointed at me and all of this stuff came out of his hands and reminded me of the colors you see when oil is sitting in a puddle of water. I turned my back to him as his other friend approached us with a quizzical look on his face. I looked at my palms, raised them a bit and concentrated. The energy coming from that kids hands began flowing into mine and the harder i concentrated the more efficient i was at absorbing and directing it into my hands. After a minute or two we all started laughing due to the intensity of the energy; it began crackling and transforming into deep blues, purples and other colors that i didn’t actually recognize from the color spectrum. Everything went black and i woke up.

I had a strange dream last night:

It was late into the night as i looked out my window and noticed no light coming from the stars, though they were visible. I looked down from my window to my desk where my iMac was sitting beside a black flat-panel monitor. In the kitchen i could hear my brother and roommate talking about me so i moved closer to my door to hear them, though i could not make out what they were saying. I looked back at my desk and the computer and monitor were not in the same place, they were placed against the wall to the left, still on the desk, under a carving that my Grandad did of a lion’s head sitting above a crown. I thought it strange so walked to my desk and put them back where they were just minutes earlier. 

Wanting to see if that would happen again, i walked to the door and waited briefly before turning around. When i did, they had been moved again to that same spot. Something i could not see was moving them and i could feel it’s presence in my room. Nevertheless i put them back in their appropriate spot; i called my brother into my room to tell him what was going on. He did not believe me at first so i shut the door and had he and i wait by it. When we both looked back, not only had the computer and monitor been moved just like the last 2 times, but there were wood splinters the length of chopsticks laying on the desk, beneath the window that sat behind the left side of the desk. Appropriately terrified, my brother ran out of the room; on his way out, my closet door opened and the light went on.

Everything faded to black and i woke up from my dream(not dreaming anymore). Trying to stretch, i could hardly move. I tried opening my eyes but couldn’t; i tried moving my arms but could hardly do that as well. It felt as if my wrists, elbows, knees and ankles were bound together by some kind of glue and my body would not respond to anything i tried to do. I could move my eyes but not open my lids. Slowly….ever so slowly i was able to raise my arms but it felt like i was pinned down by something. No part of my body was “asleep” so i became a little concerned. At that time i tried moving my legs but could only raise them as fast as my arms, which i could not pull apart one from the other. In my mind and slightly audible i heard something screaming at me but couldn’t decipher the words. I kept thinking, “Get the fuck off of me! I am trying to get up!” but i still could not move faster than a few centimeters per second.

I put my arms down and relaxed my body and went back to sleep for maybe 5 minutes. When i woke up again, i tried moving by rolling over but couldn’t. Again i tried stretching my arms but the same thing started happening. After a few minutes of going through this again i became angry and just thought very hard, “I am getting up” and was able to move a little faster. Putting all of my thought into it, after 10 minutes or so i was able to “free” myself completely and stretch normally. I got out of bed and looked around the room, thinking about what had just happened. What the hell am i supposed to make of all that?