Heightened state of dreaming.

August 3, 2009

I had a strange dream last night:

All went black and my head dropped off to the side. Slowly, horizontal black and white stripes came into focus and spun around me. They were every single color but black and white when i looked at them. I looked up and then down and in both directions and there was a void but at the same time there was everything that had ever been, is and will be, though i did not see any of it in picture form. I felt it. Nothing and everything was the same thing and i felt like i was in a sort of topless and bottomless cylindrical shape. It felt like i was being lifted from where i sat by a pair of hands, placed under my arms. The more i focused on the spinning stripes, the deeper i went into this feeling and the higher it brought me. 

I was aware of my surroundings but also of this other place in my head and i tried lifting my hand to touch the stripes that were in front of me. In my mind i did this but my physical hand went out a bit as well. I smiled because it felt like electricity was shooting into my fingertips from the stripes. My head jerked and i thrust my chin out to the right and my hands began to tremble and then grip the arms of the chair and my knee.

A hammer of incalculable size was pulled away from me by some sort of rope and then released. It hit me with a force so strong that the only word i understand enough to describe that force is “creation”. I shattered into a million little pieces and my eyes rolled back and started flittering. I watched this happen to myself but i wasn’t out of my body. I could see everything and hear everything and i sensed the skepticism, fear, and irritation of the people around me but i could not break out of this state i was in. I couldn’t directly interact in either state, i was suspended between them and i could only observe.

At this point, all visuals disappeared and i saw nothing-not even darkness. I felt everything happening around me instead of seeing. My head went back and my nails dug into my knee and the other hand gripped the arm of the chair even tighter and i became white-knuckled. My breathing became irregular and quick and my body shook and was very tight and flexed almost everywhere.

I felt as if i were being attacked to the point of leaning far back in my chair and looking away. There was a very hostile sensation going through my body but there was no physical pain to accompany it. Looking up i saw something leaning in toward me but it had no form. It’s “hands” were at my throat and a great weight penetrated my chest. Some time had passed and i became very angry over this and looked back right into the “eye” of it with a look of hurt and….absolute anger and disgust on my face, exhaling deeply as i pushed it off of me. After what seemed to be a few minutes of this, it dissipated immediately and i was hunched over in my chair, shaking, but with a look of what i believed to be peace as a feeling of ecstasy washed over me.

The rest i cannot seem to remember in it’s proper order but will do my best to describe. My body had not ceased shaking and tightening up, something came onto the porch, staring at me and spoke. I leaned forward, my head continued to cock to one side and then back very rapidly as i strained forward even more, listening so intently, though no audible words were spoken. It’s hand raised, everything disappeared and i watched a small bead of light gradually grow brighter. This bead was everything and nothing at the same time. Everything that had ever happened or been spoken or thought played out, as well as everything that is being done presently and what is possible in the future. A surge grew within me, my head shaking as tears welled up in my eyes and streamed down my face. I could hardly whisper the words “no”.

I was pushed back in my chair and my head continued to tilt side to side. My hand rose slightly and my head went back. I do not understand any words that can be used to explain what i saw and what was happening to me from this point onward but it made my breathing become very quick and shallow; it hurt but i kept reaching. My back was pushed in and my head almost all of the way back as i reached further up. After what seemed a very long time, it disappeared and i lowered my arm. It was on the porch in front of me still, still talking inaudibly and i was listening intently.

After some more time had passed (i think), i hunched over and it felt like i was coughing/vomiting but i wasn’t. A noise bellowed up from way back in my throat and came out as a growlish sound and then became gradually louder and breathy, causing my hands to dig into my legs. When it subsided, i became slightly more aware of my surroundings, my neck felt weak and i was staring upward with a glazed over look in my eyes-which weren’t flittering or rolled back anymore. The sensations that the striped wall had given me came back and over the course of what i assume must have been 30 minutes, i went back and forth between those sensations, listening to others that came to the porch, staring at them, leaning forward. I woke up.

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